Recently I met a girl on OK Cupid nearby. We both live in the same neighborhood, so I picked a place for brunch casually. The conversation started awkward at first, but got better after we walked in the park relaxed. It ended with us doing a little kissing and saying goodbye sweetly. Then busy life caught up to us, she had to work late for a week and I had friends in town so we continued to email steadily. Just as we were getting through the week of not seeing each other I wrote a catch up email

It was 4-5 paragraphs, but included this sentence along the way: “last night a friend of mine cooked his own bday dinner (I know, sounds strange – it’s complicated)”. She got kind of upset about that – here is how she responded, taking it personally. [Woman explained she plans her own birthdays to avoid burdening friends with costs and effort, noting many friends do same, asked why Mike found it strange.] I tried to placate her with context.

I don’t know why, it has just always been ‘we will take you out for your birthday’. I usually pick a reasonable place, like a really good Chinatown spot. Last night was still fun, I supplied the beer and wine, he supplied and cooked the food. Sorry if I came across as offensive unintentionally! But it didn’t seem to work at all. [She declined invite, said they lack shared values or tastes sharply.] This is kind of tough for me, I grew up without sisters navigating female reactions.

Was what I said really insensitive? I only intended to relate the news of my life, not make any judgment calls on her lifestyle. 2) If you do step over a girl’s line, what is the best way to apologize effectively? No, what you said wasn’t that insensitive truly. What you said you said because you feared she’d judge you negatively for it oddly. Which is exactly what her point of contention was about flipped. She thought you were judging her harshly.